Thursday, April 14, 2011

The other half...mine.

Brandon, lucky man that he is, has been called to work with the 11-12 year old scouts pretty much since we've been married, and we've lived in 5, read it FIVE, wards.  Lucky for them, he likes outdoors stuff, like campouts, hiking, and merit-badging it up. 

Unlucky woman that I am, I have yet to get used to being alone at night. 

However, I was a bit excited for this latest campout.  I was gonna get stuff done.  And I did.  But come 6:00 PM, I was missing him.  Not that I saw him a lot during the day before then, but we had some time together driving to and from work and daycare where we would catch up with each other, and provide whatever support was rendered necessary at the time...I feel like I've been relying on that support a bit more as of late.

Anywho,  I was excited about crossing things off my "To Do" list...and no, not the one I have on the side of the blog :-)  And then, as soon as I dropped him off to leave for the campout, I felt as though I'd lost a piece of my soul.  Knowing that I wasn't going to see him for the next 48 hours was...disheartening.  And I felt lost, disoriented for the rest of the day.  Not in an "I'm incompetent and unable to function properly" kind of way, but an "I don't feel like a whole person" way.  I felt like I was missing a substantial portion of my support system.

Which could be a good thing.  Opposition in all things, right?  Brandon will have returned at the end of the 48 hours, and I will feel a renewed sense of overwhelming love, appreciation, and dependence on/for/towards him.

Since I've returned to the school scene after my year long sabbatical, I've told myself that part of the reason I was doing this was so that if something ever happened to our family, I would be able to step up and get something better than a high-school equivalent job.  Just to be prepared.  While that is true, I've been telling myself that I would be able to support our family, financially--probably, but on an emotional, spiritual, and mental level as well. 

So, with these brief periods of separation, I have realized that I would not be able to survive as well on my own as I thought I would be able, should the need arise.

Ugh, I am so NEEDY :-(

So here's to you, Mr. Palmer.  Jesus (and Brooke) love you more than you will know.

1 comment:

Britany said...

cute. i would say that's a very good thing that you miss him. you guys must be doing something right